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Writing today. Like the day before. Haven't really stopped. Trying to get everything in working order. Made some cookies for my mom though. Also some curry. Back to work I guess. Maybe some Diablo 3.

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I ended up getting grumpy with the fridge last night (as shown in tweet below) and concocted a curry made with pineapples. It's actually really good.








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Been working on stuff all day. Writing, writing,writing. Felt dismal most of the day over the news in general (and other stuff). Then got a dose of hope from Twitter. I needed that today of all days. Ah well, back to writing. Work work work.
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The internet exploded yesterday when a guy named Richard B. Spencer was decked by an unknown assailant in black. He later whined about it on a periscope and said he was "afraid" to go anywhere without a bodyguard. I've been wrestling with this all day and I'm not afraid to admit it's made me a bit morose. At which point in time does violence become acceptable? Is it ever acceptable? Does the dogma someone follows make it acceptable to use violence against them without fear of an assault of conscience? 

At first I thought "This is a man who spews hatred and vitriol like breathing air. He's the guy that helped normalize it in a way that is becoming fashionable. Punch him. You get what you give. You reap what you sow. Here's the whirlwind, baby! But after talking to some others and thinking on it more, I was reminded of something my grandfather said: "If you accuse someone of doing a thing and others believe you then they have no reason not to do it."

That got me thinking more. Not everyone who voted for Trump were racist, bigoted, alt-right assholes. They did it because they were scared of the state of the world. The economy. Because it's also become fashionable to bash people of faith (which I'll state that I'm not.). Because they believed what Trump was saying because he was different from others. This is also what made Bernie Sanders popular. He didn't speak or act like a politician. It was inevitable that Trump won against Hillary because Hillary is very much a politician who quacks and walks like a duck. 

But back to the topic at hand: Is it condonable to use violence against a specific type of person? I'm of two minds on this. Is what that type of person does, practices, or preaches morally questionable? (And I have to use the term moral a bit loosely - morality is not as cut and dry as most think. For now let's just define this as it's commonly defined in the West "Acts which by and large do not hurt sapient beings and are considered 'righteous".) For example, let's say someone's religion demanded that they make sacrifices of animals. This isn't exactly morally reprehensible. You slaughter animals so you can eat (well, vegans/vegetarians don't) so what's the difference? Let's change this: What if someone's religion demanded sacrifices of people? Is that not morally reprehensible? We'd never allow someone to kill another person to sacrifice for religious reasons. Neo-Nazis and the "alt-right" preach some seriously morally reprehensible crap. Should they be allowed to say it? Yes. That's freedom of speech. If you're going to call white people the master race and denigrate everyone else then fine. You can say that. You're an asshole and I reserve the right to call you one because of it. But if you start acting on those words? If you decide that killing Jews, blacks, etc. is ok because they are "inferior." Then you get punched. Did the guy do the right thing? I don't know. Should he be punished for it? Yeah, probably. It's assault. You practiced your right to break the law and now someone else gets to practice their right to have it enforced. That is as it should be. The right for you to throw a punch ends when your hand touches my face. Period. Even scumbags get that right.

But is violence condonable? I don't know. Not yet anyways. There is so much fear and uncertainty right now. So much doubt and loss of faith in the system. When the Americans entered World War II it was because we'd just been suckerpunched and one of our allies was on the brink. A lot of my family died "Over There" to stop the rise of fascism and now, seven decades later it's rearing its ugly head again. I know we as a nation can't allow it to happen again and we simply must resist with every ounce of our being. A good man once said:

 
“I wish I could say that racism and prejudice were only distant memories. We must dissent from the indifference. We must dissent from the apathy. We must dissent from the fear, the hatred and the mistrust…We must dissent because America can do better, because America has no choice but to do better.”


I think it's time to start that dissent. And if we must use violence then so be it. But not for the sake of violence or because it's the easier path. Walk the road of peace and when you cannot walk that winding and difficult way, trudge in the mud and cling tight to everything that you hold dear because in the end violence only begets violence and you must decide how far you are willing to go. Oft times, it's farther than you want to and it is always further than those who stand before you.


(And I'm not looking for comments or debate here. I'm just trying to get this out of my head.)


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Been on a writing binge. Work work work. Made some baingan bharta tonight. It's basically an eggplant and tomato base foot. The eggplant is cooked and mashed - I opted to mash it only SOME and it tastes great. I'll have to mash and blend it when I make it again and see how it tastes.

Writing stats for today include 2 blog posts, a pyramid article, 2 patreon specials, and some work on my campaign. I really need to blow off some steam, but I've too much today.
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Writing lots today. Mostly paid work, but some gaming stuff too. Also did some blogging! YAY. I didn't do that Tuesday like I was supposed to, but I hurt my back on Monday and Tuesday was just a "I need to crash day" right after I ran my D-Team Aeon game. Back to work now. Maybe some cooking too. Back still hurts though.

Link to blogpost: https://t.co/ASIMJbJixT
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Been a while since I gamed with my Aeon online teams. Tonight was B-Team and I'm still running the game as I write this (players are doing some speculating on the next avenue of action). I had to get phlebotomy today (600 ml removed!) and the nurse knew her stuff again (thank Glob).

I still need to finish off my pork curry (about three more meals worth) before I make anything else. I don't want to waste any leftovers. ;__; Especially delicious curry.

Back off to gaming!
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Been writing like crazy to get some side projects done. Made a new curry tonight: black bean, spinach, and coconut milk. Added seared pork ribs because reasons. It tastes quite good. I need to eat all the leftovers before I make more food though.

Back to the word mines.
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Been mucking about with battlesuits for GURPS. It's been an exercise in "Damn! I need to lighten this component." but fun. It's for L.A.'s character "Valkyrie". She's more or less a powered armor hero with a few other metahuman powers - including temporal manipulation, some ability to control fire, and a couple of odd "generic" powers.

Back to the excel spreadsheet!
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They took another 2 pints today. I *feel* okay, but a bit tired. They've taken about 4 pints of blood inside of two days. My hematocrit has decreased significantly and the headaches, respiratory issues, and aches have either diminished or disappeared. Basically. I'm feeling great. Also, everything has a sort of...hmmm...shine. Much like how I felt when I first started treatment for my polycythemia. Two days in a row the nurse has done damn near perfect. She took something that could have been horrible for me and turned it into an almost pleasant experience.

Oh, I did a year in review post over at my blog: http://www.ravensnpennies.com/2017/01/carpe-blogiem-2016-year-in-review.html#.WHWaxPkrKM8

Snow Day

Jan. 7th, 2017 10:24 pm
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Snowed here. Playing video games because I can't concentrate on much else. Head is still achy from too much blood. Might not get drained on Monday because of snow. I'm afraid I'm having to cancel ANOTHER week of games till they can get at least one phlebotomy appointment in. :-(
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Blargh. It's snowing it's butt off here. I uploaded my Patreon stuff today. Instituted the new rules (more on that later when I have more brain). Playing Diablo 3 (new season yay!) with friends. Having good time. Am playing DPS (but slightly tank-y/support) monk. Much fun. Many clicks. Wowe.
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I spent all day in bed yesterday. Migraine. Bad one. Likely due to my high hematocrit. Got a bunch of test results back via the 'Net (yay for modern medical tech!). Ferritin is law, but still normal, Iron is abnormal - but it always is. I have naturally high iron levels and naturally low salt, potassium, and magnesium levels. 'Cause reasons.

Best of all...no cancer proteins - and they scanned for EVERYTHING. So that's something. Of course, no one expected it to come back positive.

I went shopping today and spent about $200 for a month's supply. Really, I got about $400 worth of stuff ($120 worth of spices for $30 - CLEARANCE FOR THE WIN!).


I got another 40 lbs. of chicken and 10 lbs. of center cut pork chops for less than $41. I also bought another 20 lbs. of Basmati Rice because when a 10 lb bag is $5 you shut up and buy it. I've been limiting myself to 2 bags per month and I'm only using 1 bag (less than one really). I didn't get as much fresh fruit or veggies as I would have liked, but I've enough. I also bought 10 lbs. of butter so I can make ghee. I found chickpeas for SUPER cheap ($0.40/can) and stocked up on those and coconut milk ($1/can). Basically, I stocked the crap out of my stores. Current trend holds for my food consumption I should have enough to last me to 56 days from now - and that's not even eating the "dregs".

I'm going back to sleep. My head hurts and I have a few things I need to do before I play down.
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All that excess blood causes bad headaches. Couldn't get in early to get them to drain it. So now I have to wait till Monday. I'll probably feel better tomorrow as that seems to be the pattern. For now, I'm going back to sleep. I have to show tomorrow.
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...and I'm making too much blood. Abnormal even for my abnormality. My hematocrit - how much of my blood is hemoglobin vs. plasma/serum - raises about 0.033% per day (normally). When I get a phlebotomy (my hematocrit must be higher than 45.0%) they drain me until it's less than 42%. Thus it takes about 3 months for me to go back up. This has been the pattern for a LONG time (pretty much since diagnosis). But something changed. Maybe it's because they took the PICC out or maybe it's because of all the stress lately (stress has a huge impact with this disease - Polycythemia Vera if you don't know). My last infusion visit was 11/7/16 - so 57 days. When I went in for an emergency visit today my hematocrit was 56.8% (at 60% the chance that you die from a stroke/heart attack/etc. raises exponentially. 67% or higher is where you have to be hospitalized and bleed hourly. Since my previous numbers were 41.6%...this means my hematocrit rose a SHARP 0.26% every day. It's why I had headaches, soreness, fatigue, and lethargy at the last half of last month.

So they're getting me into an emergency appointment at the infusion center sometime this week and doing cancer screens. Polycythemia Vera often turns into cancer for most folks. It may not for me because I don't have the typical version (YAY ME). But they want to make sure. Which I'm good with. It's unlikely as hell (don't worry!), but I'm nervous about it.

Whew. Back to the work mines. I plan on taking off a week on Friday to play Diablo's Darkening of Tristram event.
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Blargh. Been a bit off lately due to some fatigue. Probably depression (holidays suck around here - too many people died around them), the weather (mother nature hates us all), excess blood cells (yay, polycythemia!), or maybe a bit of all of them.

Finished up the last PC for the Aeon "V-Team" today - well I'm FINISHING up the PC. Still need to use Vehicles to knock out a battlesuit. I need to also chart plots and stuff, but that never takes me long. I do have some troubles:

1) I need to stat out a "rewind time" power.
2) I need to work up some other time powers.
3) I need to create some orichalcum weapons and a shield.


I woke up late today from a twisted dream. In it Nimbus and I were sitting on a park bench staring at the sun. There was a clockwork frog sitting next to us with three clockwork flies. Then, sunday the sun *shifted* 180 degrees and we were...somewhere else. Like in the shadows of the real world, but not. Then Nimbus began to speak to me "Oh, boy. You're not supposed to be here." I of course, freaked out because my cat was talking. Then a man in a white rabbit head/mask appeared with a pocket watch.

"Finally. A successor," it said and removed the mask. It was just a guy. He explained that I could see the cracks in things and that was how the light got in (Leonard Cohen in my dreams, man.). That the world was full of cracks that let you travel to other dimensions. And that's when things went CRAZY NUTS. Somehow, the White Rabbit took me into the fourth dimension and I was a hyper-fractalized being spinning in and out of existence. Then we went through a door and into this...place. It was some sort of pocket dimension filled with knick knacks from all over the world and time. WR explained that he wasn't the first White Rabbit nor was the man before him. It was a title passed down as was "the Alice" (but he never explained that in the dream). His job was to keep the dimensions separate but partially conjoined. Since I saw the crack if was now my job as his successor to take up the mantle. Then he showed me this room where everything was two-dimensional and I became two-dimensional and then another room where I became one-dimensional. Just a point in space. It was so disturbing that I woke up with a start and took a while to get back to sleep. Crazy right?
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Man, it's been one of those days. Ended up waking up late for New Year's dinner to find that my mum was late getting dinner prepared. Ended up helping with that. We fried about 15 lbs. of chicken, made homemade mashed potatoes and gravy, sweat peas, collards, black-eyed peas, mac n' cheese, corn muffins, and some brown and serve rolls. Then I got to do the dishes and clean up because I didn't want her to have to do it (she had stepped away to deliver some food to my aunt).

Basically my day went to hell. I had some stuff I had to do and I BARELY made the deadline.

I need to go shopping tomorrow and then Tuesday is the dreaded Hematologist's appointment so they can pull a freaking 5 gallon bucket of blood out of me for more tests (ALL THE BLOOD. ALL OF IT).

Wednesday I'm going to do a "online mixer" for my Aeon guys since we haven't seen each other in almost a month. Stupid adult responsibilities.



Oh, whoever sent these crystal skulls for an X-mas present, har har har. (No, seriously, it's hilarious. Where did you get them you magnificent bastard? My current supers campaign has crystal skulls as a theme and I thought this was awesome as hell.)


Ah well. Off to do more work.
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I got a bunch of limes from my friend C (and some lemons) and already had a bunch of lemons. Now I get to spend the next hour sorting those out so I can juice them and make some homemade lemon/limeade. Maybe freeze some so I can have fresh lemon or lime juice when I need it. Pictures later maybe.
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Not liking the idea of having the LiveJournal servers in Russia I did an export from LJ to here and so here I am.

I'd like to try and do at least a weekly update here with all my non-RPG stuff as just a general "thought dump." So I'm going to try that again... Here's to hop[ing I stick with it.

Absence

Jun. 17th, 2015 09:16 pm
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I still live, haven't had enough brains to do journalling like I would have liked. Been writing or being sick or writing...or busy. My other half was kind of ill for the last month and I wasn't much better. The weekly bleedings have just sunk me energy-wise, but I'm getting better. Last half of this month is crazy busy. I have a demo to run tomorrow at my game shop, one for Saturday, and at the end of the month I'm speaking at a local "mini-con" about game design.

I got in some carving tools today, but the heads are so dull I probably couldn't cut soap with them. I'll need to grind them to hell and back to get the right burr (edge) if I want to carve wood with them. Once they're in shaping I should be able to keep up the edge with my hand tools.

Anyways, off to work some more. Maybe by next week my tools will be sharp enough to actually use. Sigh. Night y'all.
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I miss my grandmother. Sometimes I write poetry, I can't speak as to the caliber of the words, but it comes from the heart. So here is something I wrote about my grandmother (who died of complications of Alzheimer's). How do I miss that woman some days. Today is one of those days. Happy Mother's Day, Nana - you're missed.
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Remembering to Forget
by C. R. Rice

It’s not that I don’t miss you,
It’s that seeing your face hurts me so much,
So I hide all your photographs away,
And remembering your voice stabs at my heart,
So I keep those sounds at bay.
It’s not like I have a choice and it seems so dark,

Because I keep remembering that I’m forgetting,

And I wonder if that’s how you felt sitting,
With us by your side but not admitting,
And we fought so much just for nothing,
And God I miss when you were yelling,
How I’d give anything to hear that just one more time,
Because I never thought you wouldn’t be here,
You just marched on like a solider,
Even up to your last moments,
You fought and clawed until your last breath left,

Because I keep remembering that I’m forgetting,

And you tried to say something to us,
And that haunts me most because you weren’t silent,
But couldn’t speak or laugh or cry,
And I should have noticed so much sooner,
That something wasn’t right with you,
And I’ll carry that guilt until I die,

Because I keep remembering that I’m forgetting,

So here I am in your house writing,
You left it to Mom but it’s still your house,
And I pretend sometimes that you’re calling,
Hearing your voice in utter silence,

Because I keep remembering that I’m forgetting,

And I can’t sleep at night because I hear you crying,
In the living room where you lay dying,
How I wish I could have saved you,
I would have traded places with you,
I miss you so much,
But you forgot me by the end,
And I told you I loved you and made amends,
But they feel so hollow as I write this,
And the night bird calls back,
Saying don’t cry,
But the tears come any ways,

Because I keep remembering that I’m forgetting,

So I say I love you to empty air,
And hug you but you’re not there,
And I hope you would be so much prouder,
Because I’ve grown up but I’m still louder,
Than other people so it drowns the guilt I feel,
Because I didn’t see what was wrong with you,

Because I keep remembering that I’m forgetting,

And I think it’s killing me,
I smile and let the world pass by my window with a view,
And I’m screaming inside for just one more chance to see,
You dressed in your Sunday blue,
Standing by the door waiting for me,

Because I keep remembering that I’m forgetting,
 
Your smiling face,
And you’re gone,
I feel so out of place,
But I just have to hold on,

Because I keep remembering that I’m forgetting,

And part of me wants to find oblivion,
And the rest says fight on,
And I know you’d tell me to pick myself up and begin again,
And that stays with me even though you’re gone,

Because I keep remembering that I’m forgetting.

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