ravenpenny: (Default)
[personal profile] ravenpenny

I miss my grandmother. Sometimes I write poetry, I can't speak as to the caliber of the words, but it comes from the heart. So here is something I wrote about my grandmother (who died of complications of Alzheimer's). How do I miss that woman some days. Today is one of those days. Happy Mother's Day, Nana - you're missed.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Remembering to Forget
by C. R. Rice

It’s not that I don’t miss you,
It’s that seeing your face hurts me so much,
So I hide all your photographs away,
And remembering your voice stabs at my heart,
So I keep those sounds at bay.
It’s not like I have a choice and it seems so dark,

Because I keep remembering that I’m forgetting,

And I wonder if that’s how you felt sitting,
With us by your side but not admitting,
And we fought so much just for nothing,
And God I miss when you were yelling,
How I’d give anything to hear that just one more time,
Because I never thought you wouldn’t be here,
You just marched on like a solider,
Even up to your last moments,
You fought and clawed until your last breath left,

Because I keep remembering that I’m forgetting,

And you tried to say something to us,
And that haunts me most because you weren’t silent,
But couldn’t speak or laugh or cry,
And I should have noticed so much sooner,
That something wasn’t right with you,
And I’ll carry that guilt until I die,

Because I keep remembering that I’m forgetting,

So here I am in your house writing,
You left it to Mom but it’s still your house,
And I pretend sometimes that you’re calling,
Hearing your voice in utter silence,

Because I keep remembering that I’m forgetting,

And I can’t sleep at night because I hear you crying,
In the living room where you lay dying,
How I wish I could have saved you,
I would have traded places with you,
I miss you so much,
But you forgot me by the end,
And I told you I loved you and made amends,
But they feel so hollow as I write this,
And the night bird calls back,
Saying don’t cry,
But the tears come any ways,

Because I keep remembering that I’m forgetting,

So I say I love you to empty air,
And hug you but you’re not there,
And I hope you would be so much prouder,
Because I’ve grown up but I’m still louder,
Than other people so it drowns the guilt I feel,
Because I didn’t see what was wrong with you,

Because I keep remembering that I’m forgetting,

And I think it’s killing me,
I smile and let the world pass by my window with a view,
And I’m screaming inside for just one more chance to see,
You dressed in your Sunday blue,
Standing by the door waiting for me,

Because I keep remembering that I’m forgetting,
 
Your smiling face,
And you’re gone,
I feel so out of place,
But I just have to hold on,

Because I keep remembering that I’m forgetting,

And part of me wants to find oblivion,
And the rest says fight on,
And I know you’d tell me to pick myself up and begin again,
And that stays with me even though you’re gone,

Because I keep remembering that I’m forgetting.

From:
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
User
Account name:
Password:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
Subject:
HTML doesn't work in the subject.

Message:

 
Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.

Profile

ravenpenny: (Default)
C. R. Rice

January 2017

S M T W T F S
1 2 3 4 56 7
89 10 11121314
15 1617 18192021
22232425 2627 28
293031    

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 24th, 2017 09:12 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios